Started with the dog poo…

Holy crap. What have I done to deserve this day? I haven’t kicked a small child or scammed a senior citizen. But here I am wallowing in one of the worst days ever. Ok, it isn’t really but I’m in a horrible mood and I will tell you why.

Yancey gets up to go to work around 5:30 a.m. so I get up and throw him a lunch together so he will feel like I’m pulling part of my load. So, at 5:30 this morning I’m stumbling into the kitchen and see a dark shadow on the floor about the size of a salad plate… I skirt around it and then the smell hits my sensitive nose. Dog poo. At least I didn’t step in it. I grabbed a plastic sack and a wad of paper towels so I can clean it up before anyone does step in it. We have four large dogs that live with us so this isn’t unusual to find. They are good about letting us know when they need out but sometimes we are oblivious. I’m pretty sure Curtis Lowe even jumped on the bed last night but I was too passed out to even think that he was saying, “Granmudder, me need outs to go poo.” I’ll make sure to be more aware next time because I hate cleaning up a big pile of poo.

I toss Yancey’s left over taco fixings from Taco Tuesday into a sack along with a couple cokes while he is muttering profanities in the bathroom. My body falls back into the bed while he is finishing up. I can usually get a bit of a nap before my alarm goes off. He slips in and kisses me goodbye and I lay there in the quiet of the room before everyone starts rumbling around.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap tap tap tap. Seriously? Rain? Why can’t winter come without rain? Just get cold and let the sun shine. I scramble out of bed and get myself ready. It probably would be a good idea to get a move on and leave early. No coffee. I’ll just grab some at Burger King on my way.

My feet were pushed down into my little black witch boots so maybe they wouldn’t get completely soaked. I found out soon enough that they are fairly waterproof since I had to wade almost ankle deep water to get to my car. I dropped into my car seat and a twinge ran through my back. Nothing to worry about. Just the bump of me sitting too hard while trying to avoid the pouring rain.

Starting the car I looked down and saw that I was down to one (shhhh! It’s my closet habit for the drive!) cigarette. I stopped by the local Conoco and jumped out to grab another pack. The morning lady there is so sweet. She grabbed the pack and plopped it on the counter and I jabbed my card in the slot. The machine dinged and I picked up the pack about to walk out and she said, “I’m so sorry but it declined. Give it another try.”

Uh, what? I know there has to be plenty in my account. So with my red confused face I poke it in again. Nope and nope a third time when she just had me try swiping it. “Our phone lines have to be down or something,” she explained. I don’t have a drop of folding money so I’m off and determined to get my coffee because there is no way the account is that low. Stupid rain, stupid machine jacking up and making me embarrassed and my back hurts.

I drove down one town and pulled off the interstate. Ahhhh, Burger King. I swing into the drive and place my order. These poor people know me by heart: large coffee, 5 sugar, 5 cream, and a sausage biscuit for $3.24. The manager was waiting on me this morning. It’s always quiet and everyone there is so sweet to me. She handed me my coffee and took my card. Declined. What the what? I’m now having a complete coronary because I just know that the world is against me today. I start to hand the coffee back in through the window. “Honey, keep it and here is your sausage biscuit. I got you today. You are here all the time.” Sweet lord, help me. Can this get any worse?

“I swear I will make this up to you,” I cringed. The heart attack and hot flash just about had me slinking into the floor of my car.

“Ma’am, don’t even worry about it. You just keep coming back to see us like you have been.” She smiled widely to show it was no problem.

After an hour of driving 50-55 mph through the heavy crashing rain, my nerves were shot to heck. The trek usually doesn’t take me but about 40 minutes on the interstate but today it took me over an hour. I scarfed down my pity meal and proceeded to my computer to check my account.

As soon as I logged in and the balance of 15 cents came up, my soul left my body. What? Fifteen cents? That is POINT 15 or 15 pennies or 3 nickles or a dime and a nickle. Jesus take the wheel because I’m done for the day. No one was even seeing what I was yet my face was flaming! How did this happen?! (My back is on fire now and I’m positive it is about to snap me in half.) I know yesterday there was over $200 in that account!!! I gingerly clicked on the account to check and see what could have possibly happened. Two checks cleared yesterday that I thought had been cleared way before now. I’m having that stroke now. One had been written 20 days ago and the other 15 days ago!!!! Do you people not need your money? Because if someone writes me a check it will go into the night deposit that very night. I don’t play. The two of you will now be getting money orders because I’m not going through that stress again. Ever.

Did I mention my back hurts? And it’s not even lunch yet…

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