As you all know I love to write. It’s obvious. There are many times I just need to get some stuff out of my head or heart before I find myself fully broken. Today is a partially broken day. I don’t feel well and my mind cannot focus for more than a few minutes at a time. I look at myself and wonder if I am to an age where forgetfulness is normal or if I have packed so much into my brain that I’m losing other things constantly because no more will fit. Maybe I’m just not really paying attention to important things.
Am I too busy? Am I a good mom? Am I a good wife? How am I with my job? Do I spend enough time with my remaining family? Why am I drinking another cup of coffee? Why is my throat sore and my body falling apart?
Post-It Notes are a staple for me because I don’t like using the Notes app on my phone. If I don’t write it down I forget. Our lives are moving too quickly and filled with too much information. We are inundated with information and entertainment all the time. We struggle to concentrate on a task. I’m addicted to my phone and computer use. Yes, I AM ADDICTED to it. I absolutely feel lost if my phone is out of reach. I don’t even go to the bathroom without it in my hand. There is a panic that sets in and I cannot rest until it is back in my hand or sitting beside me so I can see when it lights up with a message.
Missing a message from someone or a status that my husband posts is unacceptable. My brain is in absolute overtime worrying if I can’t be in constant contact. What if my husband is in a wreck on the freeway or needs me to stop for milk? What if one of my kids has been crushed by a machine at work or they want to just send me a quick “Love you” text? What if the school calls because it has been blown to bits by a crazed terrorist or there is a class party two weeks from now?
Anyone understand the insanity I am feeling? I really really don’t think I am the only overwhelmed one out there. Handling even an hour without my phone would be torture. Thinking about no screen time… <shiver> is too much. I worry over mundane stuff just as if it is life altering. Why am I putting this type of pressure on myself?
If you feel this way let’s figure out how to fix it so that we can remove some of the stress and become ourselves again. Let’s begin this new year with a bit less stress and maybe even learn a bit about ourselves in the process!
For now I’m going to sit back and eat a cookie while I check my phone… Stop it. Just eat the cookie!